Hagger Nigh Tell?

Hagger Nigh Tell?

Hagger night telephime reely reel?
Hadder Y. Noah Fimere?
Car sigh only nowered I thing ky feel,
An maybe I'm knotty veneer.

I mipey no lesson I mipey no more
Than a shadder we idle fancy.
Prabzyme the moon! Can I Telfer Shaw
That I'm nodgers a nant named Nancy?

I coobie jar sreely a loafer bread,
Or a horse, or a bird called Gloria.
I mipey alive - but I coobie dead,
Or a phantasmabloodygoria.

Hagger nigh tellime notonia dream,
Cook tarpner mare chick's pell?
Cos sigh my pig zackly what I seem,
Bar towg nigh reely tell?

Wunker nawlwye stell; yegger nawlwye snow
If you're reelor yerony dreaming;
Yellopoff the topoff your nirra stow,
A new wafer the sander the screaming.

- Afferbeck Lauder

Translation:

How can I tell?

How can I tell if I'm really real?
How do I know if I'm here?
Cos' I only know what I think I feel,
And maybe I'm not even here.

I might be no less, and I might be no more
Than a shadow with idle fancy (?)
Perhaps I'm the moon! Can I tell for sure
That I'm not just an ant named Nancy?

I could be just really a loaf of bread,
Or a horse, or a bird called Gloria.
I might be alive - but I could be dead,
Or a phantasmabloodygoria.

How can I tell I'm not in a dream,
Cooked up in a magic spell?
Cos I might be exactly what I seem,
But how can I really tell?

One can always tell; you can always know
If you're real or you're only dreaming;
You lop off the top of your nearest toe,
and you wait for the sound of the screaming..